Sins, Forgiven? Pretend? Real?

Here I am sitting infront of my computer, struggling to type the words I really want to say...but here it goes:

I will be honest, me and God, well we struggle, but who does not ever struggle with God. Lets say I have the works of service part down, but the faith part I need to work on, like reading my bible more.

Last weekend I went to Lifelight, where I got to listen to my favorite band, Tenth Avenue North, (I have seen them three times in the last year) they are great check them out! Buy there music, they are wonderful. Anyway I went to see them in Fargo a year ago, sang in their chior, on their cd had a wonderful time.

So Sunday they played at Lifelight, and man was I excited. Mike, the lead singer of the band, came out to the crowd, was giving a message like he usually does during his concerts, stopped right infront of me (may I mind you that the last two concerts I have seen him in, he has ended up right infront of me.) He put his microphone in my face, and I sang the words "By your side" that song is about how God is By your side, never leaving yo,u always there even when we may not see him.

When Mike left to go back to the stage, I could not help but think "Janie what the heck have you been doing?" And then I felt a sense of "Janie I am here, always have always will, I am never going to leave you." Now I was thinking by now woah, what just happened, and why am i just sucking at my faith. Why can't i just fully give into this great and wonderful God?
Why is it that when I think of my past, my sins, burdens, etc. That when I ask for forgivness from God I can't just fully lay it down at the feet of Jesus and say here ya go, because of what you did I should be able to live free now, free from guilt. But why do I still carry those burdens around?

Here is why I think that. Mike from Tenth Avenue North talked about at their concert a verse from James 5:16
      "Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective"

You see I think Mike has it right when he says, "When we confess our sins to God, it kind of still makes it pretend; but when we confess our sins to one another it makes it real, not pretend"

I think thats why I can't fully just lay my burdens at the feet of Christ, Because in my mind, it is like it is still pretend, because I can't physically see God as a human sitting next to me confessing my sins, I am confessing them to air, the sky a paper, what have you.
But when I sit down with a friend, and confess them, that makes it real, it makes it hard, it makes it so that I can fully lay everything down at the feet of Christ and leave it there.
This is something That I AM going to start working on...I am not going to post my past on here, and I don't expect you to do the same, I do however expect you and myself to find those close Godly friends, sit down with them, cry, pray, CONFESS. Because I have a feeling that the reward in the end, will be far to great and that we will be overcome with humbled adoration, that we will fall to our knees, feel unworthy, but we will be FORGIVEN. And that my friends, is a marvouls reward.